Very tiny many tickles

I wish I was there with you

in the hospital in Poitiers but also

in Palo Alto tonight

not just because I wanna hold you

tight enough so you can let all

the tears out or because I wanna hold

your pains and get yourself lighter

for a few seconds or years

but also to make very tinny tickles

and hear a crack preceding your laugh

I may not be the love you want

but I have the love you know well

and the love we lived in our clumsy ways

you know my arms can fold your sleep

and protect you from everything

so we don’t feel the time, we know it

is reversed but the love got old,

wormed out and resistant

it survived its own and other passions

plural loves and divorces

divorces that happened before marriages

and before first dates that are still to come

hopefully never otherwise how come I wouldn’t let you to get more love from whom I know loves you maybe more than I do?

how come I wouldn’t feel good for

you to go find someone that will

make you happier than

we together could never even imagine?

because I always knew all the happiness

you deserve can’t be avoided

and it is ahead of you no matter how many

detours you make around it

no mater how confused you get

because when your eyes rest in mine

we are finding each other getting lost in

the scary idea of how much we have

in common and of how I can recognize

that like me you have a big heart

big enough to lead yourself to

lay down in pure trouble and

more pain than you should ever feel

big enough to forgive

my past and mistakes

to get over my pains

because you know I am such

a fool for you and won’t stop

imagining post pandemic memories of

ourself holding hands arriving

at the shoebox like it was the first time.

Ligia Francisco

(April 23th, 2020)